Describe a learning you were born with and how you came to discover this.
The power & importance of relationships - that was a first-breath knowledge. Always part of my awareness. Hard to say how I came to discover it. Like most people born with a sense of something, whether how to conjugate verbs or grasp the intricacies of math or beat fluffy egg whites even at high altitudes, never dawned on me that others weren't equally (or way better) versed in the ins & outs & 'round abouts of relationship.
My forever knowledge - learning - was never about any & all relationships, but more specialized. From the very start, it focused on promoting & supporting healthy relationships. An interesting irony, given how my family was & still pretty united in having no sense of relationship with me. Perhaps Ian did, he died too young for me to hazard a guess. But certainly the rest were & are fairly unanimous in their sense of... no sure what. But certainly not any sense of healthy relationship with the youngest born.
Praise be, was also born with an awareness that how they felt about ME had no bearing on my feelings for them. Not once did I chauffeur Mim from Girard College (or wherever she happened to be) out to Bryn Athyn with the underlying thought, "And now she'll like me." I did it because she needed a ride & I could provide it. Ditto with Peter staying with us for weeks, months on end, or stopping by for meals, or... Never thought, "I'll do this & it will change their feelings toward me." Not once. I did it because we were related, both genetically & because everyone is related to everyone.
When did I discover that my innate appreciation & celebration of relationship was a special gift? Hard to say. I guess it was when Nita Holmes answered my request to friends & acquaintances for words that came to mind thinking about me ~ she answered "intrusive." That made me sit up & take notice. And realize that a lot of people experience me that way. And naturally so, since a lot, maybe most, people carefully build a protective hierarchy of relationships.
Since it took until I was 37 years old to become part of the sort of relationship held dear in my heart, never had any sense of relating to others. Most people either don't have a clue what it's like to be part of a family where not one face looks back at you with a sense of deep connection & acceptance or they know all too well & don't want to be reminded. Like the dry drunk child of an alcoholic who longs for normalcy but doesn't know what it is, I spent a lifetime longing for relationship & messing things up because of not knowing the least thing about them. How can anyone develop strong friendships when she keeps waiting to get The Look that separates?
But even having my love for John reciprocated, even sensing what it feels to belong without fear of The Look didn't make me realize that I was born with a love of promoting & supporting healthy relationships. I first discovered that when Mim brushed off having any family conferences on more effective communication - something dangled in front of me for years - with the comment, "The past is the past" and "The family no longer exists as a unit."
Her comment didn't shock me. It was what I'd expected. Ever since she started her masters program at Rutgers, I'd warn Mom, "Be prepared that once Mim gets her masters, she's going to be out of our lives." No clue how I knew that, but I did. And there it was. Once she no longer had need for family support, it no longer existed to her. It's only reason for being as a unit was to get her to independence. Once that was achieved, the family went pouf in her heart. And I could see it coming.
What I never saw coming, what totally blindsided me, was Mom being okay with that. And she was. When Mim dismissed Mom's plea that I was at least owed loyalty for all I'd done for her over the years - "She offered, but I never accepted." - Mom was okay with that. Not happy, but okay - "If that's what she thinks, that's what she thinks."
It was at THAT point, realizing my MOTHER didn't share the same sense of relationship so dear to my heart, that it hit me - maybe, just maybe, my forever view of nurturing relationship might be different from how others viewed experienced revered it.
Where does this learning live in me now?
My hope is that it lives in my every breath, my every action. Everything reflects relationship, for good or ill. My hope is that I continue to nurture & support healthy ones, realizing that all relationships begin, end & center around our own relationship with the Oneness within everything.
